Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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