Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
