Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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