Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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