Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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