Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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