I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I smell stomach acid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
