i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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