There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
