I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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