I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
