I wish life had little blips of pornography
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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