Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
