Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
