Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
