I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
