You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
