apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
