So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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