so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
