alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
