i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Barsexuality is the new black.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
