I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
