went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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