is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
