areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
