morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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