im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
