Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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