Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
