Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
