you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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