Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
