Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
