I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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