I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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