The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
