I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
