Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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