I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
