I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
