Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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