I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
