I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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