My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
