I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
