does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
