im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
