Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
