You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
