What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
