HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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