i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
